Living Life, Loving It!

he’s changed a lot lately, for good.. i can never be happier.. i’m like transported back in time, where our relationship’s just starting to bloom, where the kilig and fun moments never stop.. we’re stll LDR but we’re really coping up.. he’s trying his best to be the  best he can be, for me.. and that already is much, much more enough for me.. our plans are starting to unfold on our very eyes.. am definitely looking forward to more happy, blissful days with him.. i’ll always be here for you and i mean it..

for the past three days, my shedule has been so full.. with the growing demands of school works, family errands and emotional struggle, i’m just so happy that i’m still coping up.. in school, almost every subject required assignments, projoects, quizzes and recitations..

nothing new.. i already have an account in google adsense.. good for me.. it’s a start! yipee.. i spend a lot of good time now using the internet.. and i’m so excited seeing my classmates receiving money for their blogs.. i’m kinda jealous.. but i’m working my way through it.. i know someday i’ll receive my own cash.. think what i’ll do with it? hmmmm…

ciao for now..  

mati, davao oriental is where i call home is.. last friday, i packed my things and off i went to the terminal.. i’m going home at last after being here in the city for almost a month.. i only brought the important necessities.. i was so excited! well who wouldn’t be? my family’s there, my friends are there, and most of all, the love of my life is there.. i arrived at about 5 in the afternoon.. my parents welcomed me warmly.. i was surprised to see my favorite pamangkin WAKI.. i gave them their "pasalubong" and later, our house was filled with talks and laughter.. i can see how my parents missed me, seeing the way they look at me with adoration and smiling on my every nonsense "kwentos".. they prepared a banquet for me, complete with all my favorite "ulam" and fruit platter.. i swear i ate so much that night that i thought my belly’s gonna burst.. i was so full of food, thanks to my papa’s excellent cooking.. love you papa!

my wallet’s filled with their pictures, something i will treasure so much, and something to get me through the lonely times.. they’re my treasures you know.. it is with them that i feel so at home, i am being me and i’m not afraid of showing the real me ‘coz i know that they accept me for who i am.. 

thanks for the wonderful weekend mama, papa and bro, as well as to jen, crisna and waki.. i had so much fun.. i know i was surrounded with loving people.. i miss you already.. waki, tita misses you na.. i’m always looking at our pics, the ones that tito adem took.. be a good boy ok? i will all see you soon..

gladly.. everything’s going back to normal.. it’s a start and i know i’ll make it.. problems come and go but and promise to be strong no matter what..

i know he’s gonna kill me for doing this, but who cares? i’m just proud that he’s mine and mine alone.. haha.. i love you so much hon..

it has been a long time since i cried.. it seems that all my emotions are pent-up and bottled up down inside me that if i don’t let it go, i’ll burst like a volcano.. it felt good to cry.. i haven’t done this a long, long time now.. all day i smiled, showing everyone i’m the same ‘ol kat who’s jolly and who has the warmest smile.. i preocupied myself by reading a Judith McNaught book and going to the mall.. but doing those things has’nt really helped.. when i went home, the feeling’s still the same, i’m still carrying the heavy burden and the big lump in my mouth.. and here i am now, trying to pour out my soul in writing.. i somehow feel unburdened.. i’m glad i finally had the right diversion to keep myself from thinking about him and about US and the situation WE are in..

they say women are a crazy lot, unpredictable and all but i say that men are harder to read, harder to decipher, cold, ruthless and calculating species.. no one really knows how to read and understand them.. you go flinging yourself to them but all they do is thrust you away, creating a barrier no one really knows how to break.. it seems that i already gave my all.. i didn’t hold back.. am i still capable of giving more when in fact all i do is considered unnoticed? 

i want to rewind time of 2years ago.. when i’m all he cares about, when he looked at me with adoration in his eyes, when his warm and ready smile are all for me, when he still sees my importance, when i felt at peace, and when i felt that i was really truly loved.. i miss the all-familiar feeling, knowing that in today’s circumstances, nobody knows what will happen next..

i miss HIM.. truly i DO..

this one’s definitely gonna be a long night.. i don’t anticipate lulling myself to sleep..

*whispers* : goodnight, love.. i miss you.. i loved you then, i love you now and i’ll love you ’til my last breathe.. 

i decided to erase my friendster account. IT was a favorite source of argument that’s why i decided to cut it off.. i don’t really fancy having it anyway.. shocking how HE really changed me.. i don’t know if it’s for the better since i think i am not being myself anymore.. but what the heck, as long as it is what makes him happy.. and i’m happy if he’s happy.. love, love, love.. the most complicated feeling here on the planet..

i’m at peace.. this long distance relationship is really getting in to me, but we’ll make do.. i know i can make it as long as he loves me.. i wanna go home soon.. i miss my family, i miss him..  

i’m glad mom’s here for the week.. atlast, something to get my mind off that stupid, insipid, low-IQ jerk.. looking forward to hours of shopping, girl-talk, and pigging out! haha.. thanks mama.. you just don’t know how grateful i am that you are here. you see me laughing outside but deep inside, im struggling. your presence is enough to lighten my mood and forget for even a moment my worries and aches. iloveyousomuch.. =)

they say love conquers all, i say BULLcrap! boohoo! so much for beleiving in "happily ever after".. tsk tsk..

well for starters, my blog got declined by blogsvertise and smorty. why? coz it’s not more than 60 days old and it does not have enough contents. ok.. so i thougt i’m going to make money easily, guess i’m wrong. i was a bit devastated but i still am very sure of pursuing this writing. who knows? 60 days from now maybe they will reconsider my blog and eventually, more money for me! hurray..

it’s still raining outside, but my mood improved compared to last friday. i can’t say i’m completely happy but atleast i know HE’s improving.. haha!

got lots of things for me to do like: start the chapter1 of our SAD project due this thursday, prepare the manual and installer of XP for my CHST, make my LEDGER for accounting and lost and lots more.. but i haven’t done atleas 1 of these things yet. it’s already Sunday and it seems that i’m not prepared for tomorrow’s classes. what’s wrong with me? plus i’m bothered of the fact that i might fail some of my major subjects. well, i’m to be blamed for it coz i did not exert so much effort to study. guess i’m alreday bored. school and stuffs within school is making me sick. haha! someone help me keep on the RIGHT TRACK! woohoo!